It’s that time of year where reminders of the ones we miss lurk around every corner. A song, a scent, an empty seat at the table. I can spot a big red Christmas bow, and I’m transported back to the last time Mom helped me decorate my tree.

Not all of us need a reminder right now. But some of us do. If that happens to be you (because it often is me), let us remember together that the good hand that gave us faith in Jesus is the same hand that sustains that faith. Thus, we are free to come near to God with our weakness of faith. I know you know but He already knows.

So Lord, let us wrestle well for our good but also for Your glory. Let us see our wrestling as love for You and love for our neighbor. Let us see how bringing angst to You is good preparation to help our friends in their angst. Even as we wonder why or how this pain even happens, we cannot possibly deny Your nearness. We love You, Lord. And we trust You love us more.

Friend, here’s a prayer for our wrestling.

***

When Your goodness seems backwards
Remind me that it is
To my benefit
Because it is backwards
That You saved me.

When I can’t see what You’re doing
Or why You let this happen
Remind me that it’s for
The better
That we can’t possibly
Fathom Your ways.

Because if I could wrap 
My head
Around the work
You do
My cheap ideas
Would be the extent
Of Your goodness.

Instead there’s abounding love
Instead there’s steadfast mercy
Instead there’s You.

So even in this mess of 
Trials and temptations
When I want to shake
My weak fists at You—

I  trust Your frustration  
Of my strength, 
Of my solutions, 
Of my understanding
Is a specific fitting
For the glory
Awaiting us.

It is here that
You remind me
That the surest
Antidote to my angst
Is the nearness of 
My God.

So Lord, 
I come
Near to You
Trusting 
You come near
To me.

In Christ’s Name.

***

“So we do not lose heart.
Though our outer self
is wasting away,
our inner self
is being renewed
day by day.
For this light and momentary affliction
is preparing for us
an eternal weight of glory
beyond all comparison,
as we look
not to the things that are seen
but to the things that are unseen.
For the things that are seen
are transient,
but the things that are unseen
are eternal.”  

(2 Cor. 4:16-18.)

***

How beautiful is scripture? Such poetry, weaving dichotomies together in stunning rhythm. As I circle over that passage and roll it around and hang on its words, God shifts my eyes from how this looks to how this ends. Jesus, we trust You!

***

This article, by Michele Morin, put some wind in my sails this morning. Wonder up! Read Article Here.

***

If you know somebody walking through grief and pain, here is a link to the devotional series I wrote five years ago, right after Mom died: Christmas While We Wait.

***

On a lesser note—not much update on the book after I submitted it to a publisher weeks ago. If no word’s a good word, then waiting is good news.

In my proposal course last summer, a literary agent encouraged us that good writing AND a good idea will eventually get published. That’s where you come in. Thank you for reading as I practice my writing. Practice is the only way the writing gets good.

–Paige