It felt like a more normal Christmas when the calendar turned to December. And all the traditions and holiday happenings were gradually rocking me into a cozy holiday slumber. I wondered if four Christmases without Mom might make the sorrow less jarring, and I welcomed what time can do to pain.

But when our puppy was hit by a car, I was yanked back into the saddle of sorrow I had been eager to discard. It’s strange how disproportionate losses can plunge us back into deeper losses like we had just experienced them yesterday. Like Mom had just died hours ago, we were back at her house telling our boys again, crying uncontrollably as we shared the news, the adrenaline of shock making insomniacs out of us.

As we and our boys lamented death because of the loss of our pup, the same phrase was readily on my lips: I hate death.

***

As December ramped up, awareness of my sin did too. Sometimes sorrow can invite me to compensate with unrealistic undertakings. I can’t beat death, but I can do all the things. I can say yes to every cheerful holiday idea that enters my brain. I can stretch beyond limits to meet all the Christmas expectations because can’t we all just be happy for a minute! But this tangled knot inside says otherwise, and it was early one morning that I was reminded: Be still, and know that I am God. (Ps 46:10.)

As I resented my own limits and the frustration of our human fragility, I remembered the freedom Christ won for us. That same psalm says, He will be exalted among the nations. He will be exalted among the earth. (Id.)

Every note of our humanity and depravity—the ache of loss, the seed of sin, the fleeting time, the want for the idyllic, our limits and neediness, the pride of life, the lust of our eyes—December can curiously magnify. And yet, our King came for it, for us.  To live sinlessly, to die for us who haven’t, to rise again, to reign forever.

I hate death. We hate death—and our King hates it more.

As much as we despise our pain, doesn’t it embolden our faith somehow? To know our King hates sin and all the stings that came with it. The acidic feeling in your gut as you miss your dear one. Or the teeth-gritting anger you feel toward injustice. Or the guttural grief at the brokenness here. Or all the other suffering that sin set in motion. I say we hate death. And we do. But perhaps we should say we hate sin.

Perhaps we should say, our King loves us even more.  

***

The Gospel is good news, sure—but for another far-off day, we may have thought before pain came along.

It’s as if hurting makes us now hope more confidently. Our hope finally has teeth instead of this tidy hope put in storage for future times.

But when we face the problems of this life, we must concede we are unequipped to solve them, and this once theoretical hope gets tested and becomes a surer hope that can’t stay optional. We can’t just like Jesus at Christmastime if we’re sickened by suffering and our sinful condition. We can’t pick up our faith and set it over there if an unrelenting ache in this life points to an ache for King Jesus. How good is news that is passive and optional? Not very until it’s everything you long for and can’t now live without.

Thank You, Lord. You are the best there is.

***

Tangled up in all our December tension, we perhaps become quite honest. Even if the most picturesque holiday moment were to come about right now, it would no longer be enough. Because all of this hoopla can only scratch at the Kingdom to come.  So when something feels off this Christmas—when someone is missing, or wars persist, or pain increases, or tears still fall, remember our King signed up for it. The Christ put on our suffering, so we could put on His righteousness.

“For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” (2 Cor. 5:21 ESV.)

Come Lord Jesus, come!

***

If you have taken the time to read this, I thank you. I pray every person who reads this is softened to Christ. There is no love like the Lord’s love for us. If you are wondering what you must do to be saved—believe on the Lord Jesus Christ. Turn from your sin and call upon the name of the Lord Jesus. He is the way, truth, and life. He has come that we may have life in Him to the full. He is the fullness of joy!

Merry Christmas!

–Paige    

O come, O Come, Emmanuel,

And ransom captive Israel

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the Son of God appear.

. . .

O come, thou branch of Jesse’s stem,

Unto thine own and rescue them!

From depths of hell thy people save,

And give them vict’ry o’er the grave.

. . .

O come, Thou Bright and Morning Star,

And bring us comfort from afar!

Dispel the shadows of the night

And turn our darkness into light!

. . .

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

shall come to thee, O Israel.