The paralysis of regret and dread.
Sometimes grief is feeling everything at the same time. The paralysis in loss is palpable. I want to ignore the fact that the holidays are coming, and I want to control every detail of the holidays to avoid surprise. I feel the misery of staying stuck and the heartbreak of moving on. I feel heavy with sorrow and numbed out with dread. I’m lost in the memories and grateful for good times. I’m distracted by the I wish I would have and still trusting there is more to come. I am overstimulated. I am out of words. I am a mess.
God, the mess of our pain cannot hide us from You!
We feel the spectrum of emotion square in our guts. Of course, we’re unsettled. I wish it were enough to merely get through this. But we know Christ’s calling is higher. Not burdensome. But best.
The peace of God is available long before clarity. You can say I don’t know, but I know the One who does. (See Isaiah 26:3 NIV.)
In this world, I will have trouble. But I will walk daily with the One who overcomes this world. (John 16:33 NIV.)
Peace He leaves me. His Peace He gives me. It must be here, whether I feel it or not. Make it real for me, Lord Jesus. (John 14:27 NIV.)
He makes me lie down in green pastures. He restores my souls. Give me eyes to see how You’re doing this, Father God. (Psalms 23:2,3 NIV.)
The peace that passes understanding guards my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. It is available to me in this moment. Lord, let me keep leaning into You. (Philippians 4:7 NIV.)
God, You are the True Vine, and my only objective is to abide in You. Help me in this. (John 15:5 NIV.)
“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.”
2 Corinthians 4:7-9 (NIV).
Prayer. Lord, keep Your Word before me to calm my weary mind.
Application. Today, I will stay present by speaking God’s Word over my messy thoughts.