If you know me at all, then you probably know Sergis P. [pronounced: sərj-iz pē]. He’s our six-year-old, 80-pound English Bulldog who is sitting beside me, currently staring at the ceiling, licking the air.
He’s our shining star, that Sergis P.
When Serge snores, it sounds like a Boeing 747 is landing in our living room.
When Sergis runs, it’s like a freight train is charging you. On an optimistic day, poor Serge’s legs measure a foot from the ground. And his undercarriage can’t help but drag along, dusting floors and the like.
But when Serge wants to move, he does so mightily. He locks his front and back legs, like a rocking horse, and giddies up.
Sergis P is more of a 100-meter guy. You won’t find him running cross country.
When Sergis needs to go number two, he throws himself into our east fence wall, stands up and sprints the opposite direction, throwing himself into the west fence wall, only to repeat. We’re worried about poor Sergis.
To make matters worse, my husband openly tells people that I personally birthed Sergis, which is rather hurtful on many levels.
Serge’s namesake is actually Sergeballu LaMu Sayonga Loom Walahas Jonas Hugo Ibaka. He’s named after an NBA forward who formerly played for Oklahoma City Thunder. [We’re big fans of the Thunder and specifically Serge Ibaka.] The Serge Ibaka is incredibly talented and his athletic build unmatched. It’s only fitting that we would name our firstborn, Serge Ibaka Pippin–eventually evolving to Sergis P–after him.
Today I had the pleasure of bathing Sergis in our backyard. When Sergis doesn’t want to do something, he straightens his front legs, pretending to have rigor mortis and becoming immovable. There I was in lineman position, with my right shoulder to Sergis P’s rump, pushing him from behind and sometimes pinning him to the ground with several undignified wrestling moves, praying my neighbors couldn’t see me.
I only won because the sad warthog lacks stamina.
Sergis P is now feeling clean and particularly dapper. And I’m asking myself why I do these things.
Perhaps it’s because my husband will tell you he’s wanted a Bulldog since birth. Sergis P will likely be our first and last, but we love him no less.
Ode to Sergis P.
Much love to you,