DAY FIVE When grief sounds like envy. Seeing a mom and daughter together can thrust me into the blur of what should have been. The holiday season is replete with reminders. The complicated pangs of grief too easily twist themselves into envy and bitterness. Why do they get that life, and why do I not?…

DAY FOUR Progress is Messy. We have been doing a laundry list of home improvement projects, and the mess of remodeling has persisted for months. I find the chaos of house projects unnerving and some days, I’m on the brink of quiet implosion. Stuff everywhere. Dust everywhere. Tools everywhere. Why can’t I get perspective? Progress—we…

DAY THREE The Chip on My Shoulder. Two days after Mom died, I walked aimlessly around Costco, dizzy with shock. Whose life is this? I found myself in the refrigerated produce section lost in a fog, blocking traffic. You’re supposed to go the other way, another customer instructed. I mumbled an apology. Can’t you see…

DAY TWO Can I skip this year? It was an early snow this first year without Mom. She loved the change of seasons. Once the snow hit the ground, its pristine white took on a golden hue because of the pigmented Fall leaves still covering the ground beneath. –As if Fall was saying, I’m not…

I N T R O D U C T I O N. This blog series arose out of the dread I feel for the holidays. It’s our first Christmas without Mom, one of my closest people. Putting that in writing makes it all too real. Can we skip the holidays this year? Not necessarily, but we can use pain to cut loose…

A Note to Readers— Dear friend, if you find yourself dreading the holidays, I hope you know you’re not alone in this place. This is our first Christmas without Mom. It pains me to see those words on my screen. I started writing a Christmas devotional for you, but somewhere in the middle—I realized I…