My husband and I have a great marriage. Unless we’re in an airport together. Recently, we were in an airport together.
Per usual, I end up staring at the back of his head, a good yard ahead of me. His navy blue, sophisticated roller bag, gliding along at warp speed, while I drag my clunky lopsided carry-on that’s stuffed with a year’s worth of clothing. I hope he can feel my eyes!
On our way home, the recent blizzard had us stranded in the airport after our flight was cancelled. We could wait it out, with the risk of being trapped for a few more days away from our kids. Or we could attempt a long drive home.
Two hours later, it was pitch-black, in the middle of nowhere, with a defroster that could not keep up, freezing rain, and ice globs stuck to our wipers. In between breath prayers—Jesus, please keep us safe—I wondered if we were foolish to put ourselves in this situation.
Partway into our drive, we started getting emails that our flight had been rebooked.
More emails. Time to board.
Time passes. Flight status shows in air.
And at 11:06 p.m., our flight is landing at home while we’re stuck behind a street sweeper on the turnpike going 23 MPH. Our journey had started with daylight and easy conditions before becoming terrifying. And now you’re telling me it was unnecessary?
WHAT WAS THE POINT?
At times, in our walk with the Lord, don’t we want to shout this same question?
If it is a season of wrestling. If you are overwhelmed at how darkness and injustices seem to have their way. If you are wondering how we are supposed to keep hoping in a world so rife with tragedy. If you are praying the same prayer again and again for years. If your faith feels increasingly dry. Here are some messy thoughts to remind us that the Lord never, never wastes the pain of His children.[1]
Tethered to God
As a teenager, church camp was the highlight of my summer. Attending tabernacle twice a day, perfectly protected time for Bible reading, and friends who were moving closer to Christ alongside us. Our biggest ailments were romantic rejection and whether our friends left us out. I would come home on a spiritual high and no sarcasm here—camp was absolutely a grace for my teenage heart, and it was absolutely not real life at the same time.
I was on fire for Jesus though! And that was a gift because it’s the faith God gave me amid the facts God gave me. But there was also a misinterpretation on my end that my faith made me ever strong enough. This translated into a fallacy of independence. God gives me His wonderful nearness (nothing wrong with that), but then I, in my broken condition, tend to run off and show myself able. Just tell me what to do, Lord, and I’ll go off and do it. I’d like to do it in my own strength though, so I can prove myself.
Fast forward decades—and faith looks different. It’s informed by weakness. It has unanswered questions. It has desert seasons of sorrow. It has exhausting battles with sin. It’s beautiful and complicated. Yet, it has kept on. It has strikingly kept on by God’s grace.
Where Did That Easier Faith Go?
What happened to that light and fluffy faith? It was a gift from God at the time, and this faith, as it stands today, is equally a gift from God. How? It is not faith in our faith that saves us; it is faith in God and His saving work through the God-Man, Jesus Christ. Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you shall be saved. It is the Object of our faith that saves us. It is by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is a gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one can boast.[2]
What happened to that easy breezy faith? It grew up. Knee-deep in this slog, we have something sturdier in its place. We have a truer faith that reflects Jesus really is the vine, and we really are the branches. Apart from Him, we can do nothing. Nothing.
This tension that ebbs and flows is not to be discarded; it is a tether to our God, who invites us to cast our anxiety on Him because He cares for us. What’s more, He knows what is best and He actually does it. He is before all things and in him all things hold together.[3] If it is not happening, He is working something better. If He is not doing whatever it is that You think He should be doing, His not doing is somehow good. He cannot not be good. And He is so good that He can turn this tension you feel for your good. By God’s grace, the tension keeps us asking, listening, waiting for Him, Who is the ultimate. There is nothing better than union with Jesus. Nothing.
Today, right here, amid tense moments, God is with me, God lives in me, and God is working. Moments singing corporate worship where the Spirit wells up in us. Moments the Spirit shows a strength in us to repent and turn away from sin. Moments we’ve witnessed the Spirit’s work in someone else, maybe our own kids. Moments we’re shoveling our way through scripture, and God shows us a verse tailored to our facts. He gives us our daily bread. It’s astounding that a God, so great and mighty, would stoop to magnify Himself in our ordinary moments. Tension cannot possibly keep me from God’s kindness. Nothing, in all creation, will be able to separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Nothing.
Still Trying to Flex
The night we drove home in the snowstorm—I imagine I prayed more than I would have sitting in the airport. We have to be careful here; it’s cheap to presume we can discern the precise why of God’s mysterious plans. I’m not getting at the why. I’m just asking us to concede that often in our wrestling or discomfort, we are thirstier for God.
And if you are in this place, and you feel like it’s insincere that trouble brought you to Jesus, I would like to gently remind us that even those who think we are initially coming to Jesus in a perfectly theological or pure-of-heart way—we are not. There we go again trying to flex. God does the saving; thinking we have to (or could) completely self-empty all of our wrong motives and sin before putting our trust in Christ negates the very Gospel we are coming to.
Jesus did and does it for us. We get to participate. We are needy beyond our deepest imagination and if God uses discomfort to unblind us—well, who are we to pridefully refuse God’s call because we want to come to Jesus with some sort of strength in tow? It’ll never happen. None are righteous; not one.
This should give us great confidence to come to God, faith on fire or frail in faith. God is that gentle. God is that good. God is that gracious.
Lord, the faith You give us is a gift. Lord, be near those wrestling. Lord, help us to not despise weakness. Lord, sweeten our appreciation of fellowship with You. And Lord—thank You. Thank You. In Christ’s Name.
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Have you heard of this book by Tim Keller: Freedom of Self Forgetfulness?
Don’t be deceived by its mere 47 pages in length; it packs a serious punch. My dad and I have this ongoing joke because for the last year, HE WON’T STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS BOOK. Sometimes, to really get him going, I’ll nonchalantly ask if he’s heard of this book. Hehe. The joke was on me last weekend, however, because a friend started telling me she was reading a good book. I responded, no no no, not that book. Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness was published in 2012, and I’m weirdly seeing it everywhere right now. I hear You, Lord. I will read it again. But I’m kind of getting offended that people think I need the book so much……………………..
***
A smidgen of an update on my book manuscript. I keep swinging and missing. Publishers’ responses have been so kind, I have to tell myself: I think they are rejecting me again. Oof. In December, a dear friend told me to keep knocking on every door in reach. Why not, she said? It’s all packaged and ready. I think she’s right. I still keep editing my brains out. On the aforementioned snowstorm trip with my husband, during the two days we were away, I was able to spend 12-13 hours editing my manuscript. I was also extremely caffeinated. It was a treat! When you think of it, would you pray for clarity on the path forward with my book? Thank you and thanks for being here.
Paige
[1] “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 (ESV).
[2] “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Ephesians 2:8 (ESV).
[3] Colossians 1:17.
Paige Pippin 