With the birth of our second bundle, my parenting experience continues to evolve.

After all, I now have two wardens to answer:

But I just knew this opportunity at second-round parenting would redeem my prior misfit ways.

I would be more seasoned.

I wouldn’t shirk routine.

I would make my bed weekly.

I wouldn’t fix sandwiches every meal, every week.

I would do cardio beyond brushing my teeth.

These were lofty goals.

While I’ve naturally found myself trotting out how much second-round parenting differs from the first—I eventually concluded the more things change, the more my poor methods stay the same.

Old habits die hard.

And even harder with the second babe.

1. Immodesty on steroids. 

You may have thought nursing your first one made you less modest about your feeders.

Just you wait.

Your need for a nursing cover with your second bundle?

It’s moot.

Especially when your two-year-old hoists the cover above his head as you nurse, and trumpets, “He’s drinkin’ water!”

To the middle-aged man and his young son sitting across from me in the dental office waiting room: my sincerest apologies.

2. Your reliance on your nanny.

You’ll need your firstborn’s nanny more than ever.

So treat her well.

Yes, I’ve finally hired a nanny.

Yes, she lives with us.

Yes, her name is iPad.

3. Your presentation remains consistent.

That mom bod will stick around even longer.

Don’t fight it.

And your attempts at stylish attire?

Throw in that towel.

You now regularly wear glorified pajamas?

Yep.

The same set three days straight?

Yep.

To cover your now babeless bump?

Yep.

4. History will repeat itself.

You will relive the infancy of your firstborn.

Both literally and figuratively.

Regress.

Then regress some more.

In fact, take your firstborn’s current age and subtract your firstborn’s current age.

Yes, that’s zero.

Yes, that’s precisely how old your firstborn will act.

Yes, you have two newborns now.

Best of luck.

But really, I’m literally reliving my firstborn’s birth and infancy because he and his brother look so much alike.

Is it physically possible to have identical twin boys two years apart?

No.

Oh really. 🤔

5. Unhealthy habits become unhealthier. 

You will be that much more dependent on whatever form of addiction you harbor.

Lean into that habit at all costs.

Expect an uptick in the amount of espresso you’re consuming.

More.

More.

More.

6. Self-improvement is overrated. 

Don’t change.

People appreciate consistency anyway.

Even if it’s consistent subpar cooking.

Lasagna anyone?

No.

Sandwiches it is.

Yes, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

But at least you know what to expect. 😉